I'm more lost than I am found // Project 365 // Day 40

I haven't talked about the actual photo for a little bit in this project, this photo I debated putting up because I'm in it. But I set up the camera, left it on record, grabbed the pic and edited it. So though I'm in the shot I took the shot and it counts.

It also turned out wildly better than the photo that was meant to be taken of us.

July 2018 of my Time of the Month Series is up, this was the month where I lost interest in editing, how many folk can truly say they have footage of the day there life went tits up.

I do and we looked like we were having a spectacular time. It's weird. And it stopped me from editing it for a while. I'm hopefully back into the swing of things.

But it did leave me feeling really low and lost for a while, it's part of the issue when you make your like your creative project.

xoxo

Conscious // Project 365 // Day 25

I nearly booked a solo trip to London.

This isn't a big scary thing for me, I've down solo trips before. I'm comfortable being alone. Its a life skill I believe everyone should learn.

But I didn't book it.

Not as a solo trip anyway.

Waitress is transferring to West End and since its easier for me to get to London than New York I decided to treat myself. But I created this huge negative narrative in my head of what people might think if I made it a solo venture that I stopped myself from doing so.

I've never been ultra aware of what people think of me . I don't know why but it just never really bothered me, I did my own thing, like the things I liked, did what I wanted to do. I sent seek companionship for every moment of my life. I don't need it.

But recently I've become so self-conscious of how I'm perceived. And it's beginning to stunt the thing I do and don't do I say year to things and no to things and I take into consideration of what other people may think.

But the big thing it effects is my social media presence. I have not felt free to express my self on my youtube channel or blog in so long because I have such small following I think what the point. And then I wonder how pathetic people perceive it if I do try.

So I stop trying.

I'm working to reverse this.

xoxo