Summertime and the livin' is easy...

Somehow 2018 has managed to fast forwarder us to August. It seems mad that we are already passed the half way mark when I only just feel like I welcomed the New Year in on a drizzly December Eve in Ashton Lane. 

Yet somehow we are here facing what has been such a lovely summer for Scotland. And for what most people I encounter claim to be to hot! When the winter comes to freeze us once more I’ll remember the nights I spent sitting in beer gardens and coming home and sleeping on top of the covers. 

Each season has a purpose. When summer has tired us out we long for the dark nights, the cosy jumpers the chill in the air. When winter has outstayed its welcome we pray for good summer days and more memories to make.  

I’m  a  June baby, born in heatwave that rivals the one we currently are experiencing. June is one of these months that just seems to be good for me.  Sometimes purposefully, sometimes accidentally it is just a month that I really revel in.  Past highlights have included a trip to New York, Prom, concerts that have included Bon Jovi, Springsteen, All American Rejects, Blink 182, Tyler Hilton and more. And its just a month I tend to have really good memories with friends and family in. 

This year being no exception with a trip to Prague, a professional photography/filming job, a gig and many nights out. I’m leaving the month in a blissful bubble. July was slower but still held summer nights full of memories as the heat held out. 

 I think its good to reflect on the highs of life, my brain often gets bugged down with the lows, I struggle as I come to the end of my rotation round the sun and yet another year ticks on my counter this year 22 became 23 and though ageing is a tough process I came to grips slightly more easily as I wandered the streets of a new city. And if getting older does one thing for me and one thing only fulfilling my little wanderlust hearts wishes is enough for me. 

August becomes a transitional month as Summer becomes Autumn and we prepare for the darker nights, colder days and thicker clothing. I both don't want to lose summer just yet and am all to ready to jump into this next phase. 

Confessions from a TERRIBLE person!

For a long while now I’ve been practicing don’t wish bad on people no matter who they are. Don’t wish them to fail or bad upon them because at the end of the day karma’s a bitch and if your sending negative energy out, you will receive negative energy back. 

And whither you believe in that or not, why waste time being negative when it doesn't effect you.  

As a person who suffers from bad brain days, I do try and make sure my own negativity doesn’t affect those around me. I’ve been having a few incredibly positive days, had you talked to me this afternoon you would not have been able to conclude how the evening was going to go. 

I have a friend who went for a job, a role I have been doing on a lesser salary that it is given due to circumstances out with my current control. I have been routing for her despite other people hoping that she would fail, and have been left in uncomfortable situations with friends of mine because of my support. 

Nevertheless she is my friend, I truly want her to succeed. This is where I confess what a truly horrible person I am.  

When she called me to say she was successful in getting the job mere minutes after she had left the interview. I wasn’t happy for her.  

Outwardly I was so happy for her, on the phone I praised her and told her I knew she could do it. I did know that from the moment she went for the job I was sure of her ability to go for the job and get it and though I think she may struggle with some aspects of the role I’m sure in time she will be able to conquer those to.  

And I am happy for her, but it was all too easy. 

My own road in our company has been full of hardships and crushing moments.  I have been promised jobs and let down time after time. I have been working a role above my pay grade for two years, with very little thanks. There has also been a lot of negativity surrounding my age and friendships I keep. Though I do not let them effect my job, I was at one point told as long as I was friends with a certain colleague I would not make advancements. 

Along with negative remarks, I have had colleagues purposefully try to get me into trouble and have received condescending talks from my direct manager and sexist remarks from our Store manager. I have had to wear this all and act like it does not effect me as not to look like a poor sport. 

And whilst I’m happy for her, a part of me does resent that she got it so easily. 

Where as I’m still here unsure what my next step is because the company can’t give me answers. 

And I feel truly awful for not being a 100% happy for her.  

I was such a part of her road to the interview that I gave up the plans I had made on my only day off in 11 days to help her interview prep, sat with her and acted out a mock interview giving suggestions on what she could add to give fuller answers. I truly enjoyed being part of the process. 

But sometimes when your struggling and life gets a little heavy its hard to be completely happy for a person. Doesn’t matter if there your friend or not. Especially when your on similar journeys and taking very different roads. 

I got to a point tonight where I was crying out of frustration, frustration for myself and the fact that to look like I’m serious for the role I would like that I have lost a work, life balance and its taken a serious toll on my mental and physical health. and frustration that I can’t be 100% happy for my friend who has worked hard for the role, who deserves the promotion. 

And though I will never tell her, I am so angry at myself for feeling this way. 

Happy New Year!

In the moments after the countdown I was in a happy bubble, my life was in a much better place than it had been 365 days prior, I was drunk underneath fairy lights and fireworks ready to brave a new year. 

I brought in the New Year in Ashton Lane, I normally don't make to big of a deal out of New Years Eve, but this year me and my friends ventured through to Glasgow and despite the rain and the cold it was a brilliant night. 

                                   

 Now it is March, I have often thought about getting around to blogging again, or doing anything again. January though it did feel like a thousand days long did not have many spare moments, and February was a case of blink and miss it.

I should be at work whilst I type this but the beast from the east has rendered the roads unusable. So I endure a snow day, I'm not the greatest person when it comes to having unallocated time. I tend to have my time scheduled and filled. 

I have many hopes and aspirations for 2018 the main ones being to travel more and leave the year with a savings account that actually has a balance in it.  

I hope the year is treating you all well and fingers crossed I get back into updating more regularly x 

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