Start As You Mean To Go On // 365 Project // Day 4

Today on the fourth day of the year I have surpassed the amount of times that I posted altogether last year, start as you mean to go on and all that.

This photo was taken in York on Christmas day... that's my dad other family members a few paces in front of him. The scenery near my aunts house was something else... spending time with my dad at Christmas was priceless, this is the first time we had woken up in the same house on Christmas day since I was 11.

I've mentioned 2018 was weird.

When I thought about challenging myself with this project in the final few weeks of the year I was excited and eager to start. Now in these meh days of early year where I don't feel quite started or accomplished I struggle with how I will survive through it.

But I'm doing this for me, the me that was inspired over Christmas, enamoured with country sides I hadn't visited in years.

xoxo

hazy days // 365 project // day 3

This is a photo from 2015, when I was in Milan today I gave it a little edit to make the building and sky contrast a little more and harshen the shadows.

I remember this trip and how both terrifying and freeing solo adventuring was.

There are very cheap flights to Milan on the go right now and its all too tempting to run away for a bit. I've had a day where I just didn't feel like I was present it all felt hazy. And maybe a trip would do me some good.

I have to many plans this month that I don't won't to miss out on for a spontaneous trip.

... but maybe sometime soon.

xoxo

And life resumes // 365 project // Day 2

Last year after I rang in the New Year I felt protected by this little happiness bubble that I had created. I was in awe of the fireworks, fairy lights and being with my friends. I was so optimistic that I was about to have the best year.

That didn't pan out. 2018 was a bumpy ride with a lot of negatives especially once the year hit the mid way mark and just seemed to keep spiralling from there.

I have entered 2019 with a less optimistic mindset but none the less I am determined  to have a great year. Though the year is only on day two I already feel like Christmas (this pic was taken Christmas day in York) and New years happened weeks ago. And last year I was in June feeling like I had just celebrated New Years.

So its definitely a new year, with a new feel.

Life really seems to have just resumed, there seemed to be no stopping really. I definitely miss living off the back of a new year high, but hopefully self-motivation will be the key. I'm taking a long weekend this week to get a break from work so that should help me get on track.

xoxo

It's A New Year! // 365 project // Day 1

When thinking about resolutions or challenges for myself this year, one of the things I wanted to push myself to do more of was to take more pictures and post them... I already take a lot of photos I started last year attempting to do this but didn't do a lot of posting.

So I then decided that in 2019 I was going to do a 365 project, and then when deciding on what platform to share them on I decided where's better than my poor neglected blog. I had thought about Insta/Insta stories but I have settled on here as I don't want the pressure of trying to keep a semblance of a theme on my Instagram and I want to have the ability of commentary hence no insta stories.

I was trying to find a new years pic I had taken to start this challenge properly instead here's one from the 28th of December this is where I welcomed in 2018 at the Ashton Lane Street Party, we saw out 2018 and said hi to the new year at a party in my house. The hangover has been brutal.

2018 was a weird one, it felt like it was going right until it didn't and when it all came crashing down it did so in spectacular fashion. Here's to a better 2019! and hopefully keeping up with this project.

xoxo

Summertime and the livin' is easy...

Somehow 2018 has managed to fast forwarder us to August. It seems mad that we are already passed the half way mark when I only just feel like I welcomed the New Year in on a drizzly December Eve in Ashton Lane. 

Yet somehow we are here facing what has been such a lovely summer for Scotland. And for what most people I encounter claim to be to hot! When the winter comes to freeze us once more I’ll remember the nights I spent sitting in beer gardens and coming home and sleeping on top of the covers. 

Each season has a purpose. When summer has tired us out we long for the dark nights, the cosy jumpers the chill in the air. When winter has outstayed its welcome we pray for good summer days and more memories to make.  

I’m  a  June baby, born in heatwave that rivals the one we currently are experiencing. June is one of these months that just seems to be good for me.  Sometimes purposefully, sometimes accidentally it is just a month that I really revel in.  Past highlights have included a trip to New York, Prom, concerts that have included Bon Jovi, Springsteen, All American Rejects, Blink 182, Tyler Hilton and more. And its just a month I tend to have really good memories with friends and family in. 

This year being no exception with a trip to Prague, a professional photography/filming job, a gig and many nights out. I’m leaving the month in a blissful bubble. July was slower but still held summer nights full of memories as the heat held out. 

 I think its good to reflect on the highs of life, my brain often gets bugged down with the lows, I struggle as I come to the end of my rotation round the sun and yet another year ticks on my counter this year 22 became 23 and though ageing is a tough process I came to grips slightly more easily as I wandered the streets of a new city. And if getting older does one thing for me and one thing only fulfilling my little wanderlust hearts wishes is enough for me. 

August becomes a transitional month as Summer becomes Autumn and we prepare for the darker nights, colder days and thicker clothing. I both don't want to lose summer just yet and am all to ready to jump into this next phase. 

Confessions from a TERRIBLE person!

For a long while now I’ve been practicing don’t wish bad on people no matter who they are. Don’t wish them to fail or bad upon them because at the end of the day karma’s a bitch and if your sending negative energy out, you will receive negative energy back. 

And whither you believe in that or not, why waste time being negative when it doesn't effect you.  

As a person who suffers from bad brain days, I do try and make sure my own negativity doesn’t affect those around me. I’ve been having a few incredibly positive days, had you talked to me this afternoon you would not have been able to conclude how the evening was going to go. 

I have a friend who went for a job, a role I have been doing on a lesser salary that it is given due to circumstances out with my current control. I have been routing for her despite other people hoping that she would fail, and have been left in uncomfortable situations with friends of mine because of my support. 

Nevertheless she is my friend, I truly want her to succeed. This is where I confess what a truly horrible person I am.  

When she called me to say she was successful in getting the job mere minutes after she had left the interview. I wasn’t happy for her.  

Outwardly I was so happy for her, on the phone I praised her and told her I knew she could do it. I did know that from the moment she went for the job I was sure of her ability to go for the job and get it and though I think she may struggle with some aspects of the role I’m sure in time she will be able to conquer those to.  

And I am happy for her, but it was all too easy. 

My own road in our company has been full of hardships and crushing moments.  I have been promised jobs and let down time after time. I have been working a role above my pay grade for two years, with very little thanks. There has also been a lot of negativity surrounding my age and friendships I keep. Though I do not let them effect my job, I was at one point told as long as I was friends with a certain colleague I would not make advancements. 

Along with negative remarks, I have had colleagues purposefully try to get me into trouble and have received condescending talks from my direct manager and sexist remarks from our Store manager. I have had to wear this all and act like it does not effect me as not to look like a poor sport. 

And whilst I’m happy for her, a part of me does resent that she got it so easily. 

Where as I’m still here unsure what my next step is because the company can’t give me answers. 

And I feel truly awful for not being a 100% happy for her.  

I was such a part of her road to the interview that I gave up the plans I had made on my only day off in 11 days to help her interview prep, sat with her and acted out a mock interview giving suggestions on what she could add to give fuller answers. I truly enjoyed being part of the process. 

But sometimes when your struggling and life gets a little heavy its hard to be completely happy for a person. Doesn’t matter if there your friend or not. Especially when your on similar journeys and taking very different roads. 

I got to a point tonight where I was crying out of frustration, frustration for myself and the fact that to look like I’m serious for the role I would like that I have lost a work, life balance and its taken a serious toll on my mental and physical health. and frustration that I can’t be 100% happy for my friend who has worked hard for the role, who deserves the promotion. 

And though I will never tell her, I am so angry at myself for feeling this way. 

Happy New Year!

In the moments after the countdown I was in a happy bubble, my life was in a much better place than it had been 365 days prior, I was drunk underneath fairy lights and fireworks ready to brave a new year. 

I brought in the New Year in Ashton Lane, I normally don't make to big of a deal out of New Years Eve, but this year me and my friends ventured through to Glasgow and despite the rain and the cold it was a brilliant night. 

                                   

 Now it is March, I have often thought about getting around to blogging again, or doing anything again. January though it did feel like a thousand days long did not have many spare moments, and February was a case of blink and miss it.

I should be at work whilst I type this but the beast from the east has rendered the roads unusable. So I endure a snow day, I'm not the greatest person when it comes to having unallocated time. I tend to have my time scheduled and filled. 

I have many hopes and aspirations for 2018 the main ones being to travel more and leave the year with a savings account that actually has a balance in it.  

I hope the year is treating you all well and fingers crossed I get back into updating more regularly x 

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