Farewell April // Project 365 // Day 120

We are now wrapping up April and venturing forth into May.

I'm Excited for all I have planned this month and it should be a really good one, with some concerts and travel there is much on the road ahead.

April has been a grafting month. I've been working hard and hopefully this will finally reach some pay off.

For the first time ever I have truly appreciated spring and all it brings with it. And though tiring April has challenged me and left me striving for better prospects.

So cheers.

xoxo

Monthly Motivation: Reflection (200th Post)

200th Post

I am one of the people who are really sentimental about the weird things, this post marks my 200th, in the post this morning I got a badge that congrats me on 5 years at work, theres a lot of emotions going on.

I think about when I started this blog, this may be my second or third blogging site that I tried out.  And the original post were mainly made up of things I had made on polyvore, very few of these post still exist on this blog, but I am sure there still up on polyvore.

Initially posts were few and far between, one of my most popular posts was a review of a Tyler Hilton Concert in June 2012, and re-reading it now it sort of cringy I was 17 at the time, but I still love to see it. I enjoy seeing how my writing style has changed and how I focus on different things.

Since 2014 I have certainly tried to spend more time on the blog and write more posts, and have stuck to certain things like #MusicMonday one of my most favourite things to write and monthly motivation as well as monthly favourites.

This blog really helps my creativity, it is a place to let go and is all mine. No one tells me what to do with it. And I really want to start doing more on it.

I have spent just over five years at my current retail job and realise that the blog posts start in 2011 and I started with my company in 2011. I had never thought about how closely each journey started. There is a huge comparasen  though my job is not mentally stimulating or challenging in the slight. And recently has been leaving me really unhappy.

So today has been a day of reflecting 200 posts and I hope to write many, many more. 5 years in a job and I hope for a change very, very soon.

XOXO

Monthly Motivation : Its Ok to feel...

Well November ended with a bang,  it was like for a moment, a fleeting moment, my life might actually be alright and something good was happening. The month was filled with catching up with old friends, spending time with new ones, things at work weren’t great but the people made up for that, things that had been on hold for months were finally going forward. It seemed like life was finally moving. Then it didn’t and it really hurt more than I care to admit. 

Here’s the thing with life sometimes, the bad can greatly overshadow the good. It eclipses it, you know that the light is there but it seems so little.  Thats life. And yeah you should be thankful about the good and focus on positivity. 

Sometimes you just need a moment, be sad about it. Your allowed to hurt, your allowed to be angry or frustrated and not see the glass as half full. Your allowed to be tired.  

I felt all these things, I felt so much anger and I continue to find it hard to let go of all of it, such a short time has passed and the cut its still raw.  I’m hurt and thats the one that I don’t want to resurrect to the surface I don’t want people to see me hurt, and thats silly its a human emotion, It's what I feel, but its  like its too much for people to see that. I’m frustrated I'm in the same old state of life I’ve always been in and I so desperately want my life to be moving forward. And I’m so, so tired of everything being a fight. And yeah I want to give up.  

And its ok to feel that. 

But know its time to take those feelings and use them, they can’t stay inside and eat you alive because then you lose. And in moments like these you can’t lose. You can’t give up.  

Every time you fall down, every time life knocks you down. You need to pick yourself back up and continue. 

You need to tell life your not done yet.  That this can’t be the path for you and your off to find another road that will lead you to your goal. 

Because whats for you will not go by you. 

And yeah you may take a minute cause yeah sometimes this shit that life throws and you gets a bit heavy and you just need a second to breath.  

Just a second, because life is happening and you’ve just got to keep on keeping on. 

Look around in your life and see the people who are good for you lean on them for a second go out for a drink, have a chat, grab a waffle and a hot chocolate, go to the pub quiz. Know 

that in the bad you don't have to be alone that the burden is not yours and yours alone. 

Don't let life setbacks to completely eclipse everything brilliant that is going on around you. 

Monthly Motivation: Don't Beat Yourself Up!

My monthly motivations tend to come from a specific lesson I thought I had learned in a month. One that prominently stuck out. Which makes this hard advice to dole out considering I spent most of September beating myself up over mistakes I had made. As though they made me less of a person.

Three major things happened in September that I really struggled with the aftermath of. It wasn't my actions that changed me but how I treated myself in the days and weeks after.

What was worse that all three actions happened quite early in the month and close together. I had barely dealt with one before I had to deal with the next and that subsequently made it all a lot harder to process.

I fucked up and I wasn't used to fucking up on such a monumental scale and to be honest I wasn't equipped to cope with what it felt like.

I was really hard on myself it stopped me enjoying little moments in life. I was to busy punishing myself and as a result people noticed. I had a chat with a few of them which resulted in the same end to the conversation. That a mistake is only bad if you don't learn from it.

If I were to do it again then it would be bad, I wouldn't have learned. I had to stop beating myself up over these instances, everything was fixable and I was fine. And truthfully I would like to say it was that easy and I had a more c'est la vie look on what happened. But I still struggle. Not to the extent that I was but its an ongoing battle.

But I have realised that talking to people helps lighten the burden and get a different perspective on the situation does help a lot.  And to not be as quick to judge yourself. Your doing your best don't be so hard on yourself. Even if it feels like the end of the world its defiantly not.

#MonthlyMotivation : Making Time!

I'm the first to admit that i can be the world worst for making time, whither it be for a friend or a task I can easily find an excuse as why not to do something not enough time, to tired, whats the point ect. But what I am really excusing myself from is the chance to have fun, be productive, make memories.

In August I set out to start saying yes to more things (and not just more shifts) things that I knew before I would say no to (or the dreaded maybe and drag it out a few days before the no) And learned quickly that the only person standing in my way of having a good time was myself (and a few shifts).

So make time for your friends, go out with your friends after work, revel in £1 vodkas and surround yourself in laughter even if its just for an hour or two. That girls day you've been meaning to have, have it! even if its Wednesday if it works it works.  Keep meaning to get in touch with an old friend shoot them a text, meet up if you can, you'll remember why you were friends after ten minutes.

Make time for your family, have coffee with your gran, dinner with your dad, have long chats and a drink with your Mum, you will feel better once you have.

Make time for all the things you have been putting off, eyebrow waxes, filing paperwork, gym classes.

Make time for yourself, draw a bath and prop your laptop up a bubble bath and an episode of your favourite show and suddenly the whole world will feel right!

did i say make time enough... just live your best life x

Monthly Motivation : Find a Moment

I've been to exhausted to write this occasionally I find pure moments of madness where I get a rush of energy and become really productive. 

But for the most part I find myself sucked into the black hole that is YouTube and Netflix until I fall asleep. 

Shift work can take its toll there are rarely two days the same I go from lates to earlier at the drop of a hat. Days could be 4 hours to 12 hours long and I've only had one day of a week since June. 

All this can be taxing on your body in those few moments that you actually get for yourself. Can become to easily wasted.  or thrown onto housework, or trying to keep your social life somewhat intact.  

But sometimes you have to be selfish and take a moment to focus on yourself. Run a bath, put on a face mask, get a book and relax. Hell go to the gym if thats what you need. 

Find a moment. One thats all for you. Because otherwise you will drive yourself crazy. 

Now for August...

Monthly Motivation : Getting Older

I turned 21 on June 8th, I was in New York and it was a literal dream come true. Its exactly how I wanted to turn 21, in the city that never sleeps on the top of the Empire State Building. I want to live it all again. 

The weird thing about getting older is this weird feeling of nothing changing, but expecting everything to be different. I came back from my holiday to the same job, and fell into the same old routine. I was totally void of energy and motivation. 

Life resumes and I was slumped. 

I think about how when I was younger I had this naivety about ages, and 21 seemed so old. Like when you were 21 you’d have your shit together. That I would have my own flat and a proper job. 

What the fuck is a proper job. I have a job and I earn money. And though its not forever it does for now.  

I think the worst thing you can do in your twenties is believe that you should have your shit together. It will destroy you. 

Just live and let life take you where you need to be. 

Find your energy, fight the negativity that takes you away from the present.  

You are exactly where you need to be right now. 

My birthday week... 

Monthly Motivation: Looking Back and Moving On

I recently realised that this is the first May in five years where I haven't had exams or graded unit. And if I had remembered that at the beginning of the month that may have felt more freeing. Thinking about it now, I realise what bad connotations I have of the month, previously they have just been stressful and left me a wreck. 

This year though May was a place for old things to start a new. I have really tried. I’ve worked hard on old friendships, of people who I would like back in my life properly. And its been good. It's been really good

I’m also trying to work on things that I enjoy more, I’m filming my week so that I can spend some proper time editing. I missed editing. And this time last year I was probably saying the opposite because I was working towards a dead line. 

Its fun to look back at the week, see what I’ve filmed, see how I can improve my filming and editing techniques and then just release it out there. 

And though I still need to do more things for me, instead of just letting myself procrastinate, thats a problem to move forward with. 

This May will be looked back on positively, there were moments where I struggled but to be honest this month has had so many highs, and as we move into June its already shaping up to be a good month (though June is historically a good month for me)

Looking back has it's uses as we move on, it helps us grow, heal, change. Getting stuck in the past leaves us bitter, hurt, and unready to move on. And as life only moves forward you have to be ready to keep on keeping on. 

Monthly Motivation : No reason at all

Sometimes I just need to cry for no reason at all… 

This month has been quite anxiety ridden. I’ve been filled with so much dread and panic for different activities to the point where I just break down crying and don’t really know why. I just know I have all this stuff that I’m clearly not dealing with efficiently. 

But the emotions just really boil to the top. I’m not a sad crier, I really only cry when frustrated and I think that sums up my emotions for the month. Frustrated with so much that has been thrown at me. 

I think its healthy to cry sometimes, we all need to let go. And sometimes a good cry can be  quite cathartic. It can be just what you need. 

Sometimes I’m to tired to try for no reason at all…

I lost my way this month in so many ways and just stopped trying. 

Creatively I just stopped. I don't really know where I'm going with it and emotionally and physically I have been drained so I just stopped trying to make content for the blog and log or even for me to just to quench the creative thirst.

Health and fitness wise, there were days where I tried and days where I just couldn't anymore. And I need to work on that more. 

I think we need to try and push ourselves to complete tasks that we know will make us look positively on what has happened.  

Sometimes I just have to learn to let go for no reason at all… 

With certain friends Ive been less willing to try because of the feeling of dread going into the situation and I don't think anyone should make us feel like that. That you don't want to see them avoid the confrontation. I just felt like a villain in a story that I didn't know had been written.

And sometimes you just need to let go of people and stop letting them be a part of the reason why you feel down all the time. Its hard to find the strength to deal with them, it's harder to find the strength to let go... sometimes you don't need reasons.... sometimes you just need to do it for you... for no real reason at all. 

...For No Reason At All... 

Much love this month x 

Monthly Motivation | Holding On and Letting Go

March has been a weird one. I wanted to be so productive but was struck down by a cold/flu type where I lost my voice and all my energy for a large portion of the month as well as having to work a lot more than I had initially expected. 

So when I decided to gut my room I didn’t realise just quite how long it would take. Or that I would still be here at the end of the month trying to get everything done.  

I was re-evaluating everything that I have kept over the years and what was my reason for doing so I was being ruthless. I’m a not so secret hoarder everything has a memory or an emotional attachment and I can find a reason to keep all most everything… a reason to not let go.  

I’m a lot like that with grudges and friendships. I don’t let go when I should, I don’t hold on when I should.  

So when I was re-evaluating the baggage that was clogging up my room, I began to re-evaluate the baggage that was clogging up my mind. And to properly let go of things. as well as to try and hold on to others whilst I still could.  

It’s a hard process somethings are just to hard to let go of all together, somethings need to be put back in the box for next time.  

But in the end you feel lighter, like a huge weight has been lifted from you. And yeah it might take a little longer than you thought and it might be a little harder than you’d imagine. But you’ll get there and so will I. 

Monthly Motivation | Fall down seven times, Stand up eight.

February got off to a good start, I was so motivated I was still doing my 30 days vegan, felt great because of it. I was just keeping everything up to date and that was key to success. Then everything fell apart around the 12th and just kept going downhill, keeping organising became harder and harder as I had less time than I had expected, a little stressed the rest of the month was a little bit harder to keep to.  

The diet was the first to be thrown out the window with so many birthdays and nights out, cheeky wee habits just became the n

orm to get through.

I felt worse, more tired and sluggish and because of the late night drinking early morning gym sessions went out the window quite a lot. 

Its really only in the last few days that I seem to have got a grip on it all again. I’ve still got a lot to do but I don’t feel as overwhelmed.  

The realness in life is that any time you fall down, you need to pick yourself back up and not let yourself feel overwhelmed or defeated.  

Time for a new month to start and many new experiences to have.  

Monthly Motivation | Determined

In the summer of last year I was more determined than ever for so many things in my life, to film more, to blog more, to concentrate on my fitness. I felt like never before that I was finally in the correct headspace to do it all.  

By the end of October everything had pretty much fallen to the waste side. And I didn’t even feel that disappointed in myself, its like I had expected myself to just give up. Because thats what I had been good at.  Giving up and not pushing forward. Other things became more important and consumed more time.  

When January begun I vowed to be more organised with my time, to ease myself into everything else. January can be such a pressuring month, so many people start and fail resolutions. I made a a video about taking resolutions in steps. And for me thats what January was, the first step, trying to get myself into healthy routines, into actual routines, so that everything else could come to be.  

By January 10th I was determined to make spin class my main goal of January aiming to go to 3/4 classes a week to “ease” myself back into a fitness routine. I felt so much better for it. And because class is at 9.15am it meant that I was structuring my day better. Healthier habits seemed to follow on.

I was also determined to post more on my Blog, in addition to Music Monday to try and post at least once more a week. Which I seemed to have achieved. 

For feburary I am determined to continue on with what I have started, I don’t want to stop now on the first step. I’m going to add in other first steps to try and accomplish, which includes filming more. And planing more. I can’t wait to see what the next month brings. 

But when your in the right head space and have the right amount of determination you can achieve what you want to. It’s all about those little steps and keeping on the right steps!