#MusicMonday: Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift

I've followed Taylor Swift since the days where she hoped when you thought Tim Mcgraw, you thought of her favourite song the one you danced to all night long... so you know quite a long time since that is the first song on her first album back when T.Swift was still country with curly hair.

To give credit where credit is due I think Taylor is an amazing song writer and performer, I travelled down to London to see a date on her Red Tour and thought it was a phenomenally well put together show. The woman is talented. Where her talent really shines through is she a master of promo. She has really got hyping up her upcoming work into a fine art. This has really shone through in the 1989 era and now as we enter the Reputation era.

Look What You Made Me Do, is actually a brilliant song. I didn't think that I would enjoy, though I still like Swift's work its not something I seek these days and it took me a little while to get around to listening to it, but lyrically its genius.

Even better is the video that comes along with Look What You Made Me Do, in which Taylor Slays, LITERALLY. She rises from the dead, alludes to a whole number of different feuds that have went on in her life since 1989 and the satirical brilliance of all the old Taylor's at the end this is a music video for the ages.

Taylor knows what she's doing, and after many people have tried to drag her and make her look less than, she's come out on top and stronger that ever. The album that follows is certainly got high expectations.

And like a snake that shed her skin the old Taylor is dead, much like Taylor's old social media. Eagerly waiting for what the Reputation era holds.

Diving Back In: Plus size gal and the Pool

// I had originally wrote some of this post after the incident occurred. It has taken almost two years to work up the courage to both return to the pool and express my feelings about it // 

Day of the incident, heavily filtered photo. 

I took this at my least confident almost two years ago. Not to say this was my biggest ( this definitely wasn't my biggest I recently stumbled upon weight logs I kept from back then and I currently weigh in quite a bit heavier, hoping to rectify that) . I had been going to the gym and went swimming almost everyday and really I was feeling a whole lot better In myself.

 a week before the incident, feeling quite confident.

Until maybe about half an hour before I took this picture. I had just worked out and then went for a swim. I finished showering, and walked passed the class of school children going for there lesson. When a boy at the front of the queue decided to yell out "there goes a fatty" and proceeded to yell "fatty" until I was out of earshot. 

I didn't hear anyone reprimand this child. And to be honest I feel silly that I let it get to me as much as I did. Cause I went into a changing room and cried. 

Suddenly every negative comment that had ever been thrown at me was in my head and I honestly couldn't handle it. The the comment came from child who was maybe 10 (and should have know better) I was 20 and had been faced with comments like these my entire life. 

Now I know my reflection in the mirror I'm the one confronted with it everyday. And I've never been sure wither it's the words or how there said (probably both) Or the fact that some people can't see beyond the weight. Or if I'm in an argument with someone it's the first thing they bring up to hurt me. I've spent a lot of time wishing that I was different. I've spent a lot of time stopping and starting diets and exercise. And ultimately I've spent a lot of time trying to forgive myself for failing yet again. Long of the short of it is. Yes I know I'm fat. 

That is the truth. And I'm part of a society that deems that as a negative quality. The incident happened in 2015 and I went back to the pool a handful of times after it. And then when on holiday to Lanzarote in October of that year. And then didn't return to the pool until 30th May this year. 

It's a hard task. My confidence is still knocked. I have went up and down over the last two years. Never surpassing what I weighed at my largest. But never truly being able to shift the weight. It's frustrating especially when I know what to do. 

A photo I never thought I would put on the internet. 

Going back to the pool is step one of body take back. I can't keep waiting to lose weight before I am able to live my life. I have to be able to do the things I wish to do. And be comfortable with my self and whatever size. 

Diving back in…. or shuffling my butt to the end and gently easing myself in wasn’t as hard as I though it was going to be.  I imagined a much longer inner monologue about the whole situation.  I had packed my swimming suit so that after an early spin and gym workout that I could go cool of before work. And because I think my head was so in the zone, it was almost a non issue and before I knew it I was in the pool. 

I have returned several times since some instances harder than others to overcome, the more crowded the pool the more anxiety I have around the issue. The last time I was in the pool I stupidly went early afternoon during the school holidays, full of kids, who thankful left me alone. 

I still beat myself up for letting someone who 1) doesn’t know me and 2) is half my age affect such a part of my life unfortunately our brains are fickle things and we often do not have much control over feelings. Luckily we are able to control our actions. 

The boys minus one, they were good sports.

I even managed to work up the courage to wear a bikini in front of my guy pals on our recent trip to Annecy. Though it played heavily at the front of my mind what I looked like I got over myself and had a great time. 

Looking like a gal living life with confidence. 

I don't often write about my plights as a plus size gal, I've always figured whats the point.  I'm gonna touch upon this topic more on my blog I really feel like I'm beginning to find my voice and feel mildly comfortable to talk about issues I've faced living life on the bigger side. It's taken me years to get to this point.  

#MusicMonday: Overtime - Tyler Hilton

If you have been a long time lurker of this blog then you will know that I am a massive Tyler Hilton fan. I have seen him live numerous times and he is just an amazing performer.  I thoroughly recommend you listen to anything in his catalogue of music.

His most recent release "Overtime" written alongside fellow One Tree Hill alumni and regular touring partner Kate Voegele who also lends her vocals to the track, is this weeks choice for Music Monday,  there voices blend together in seamless harmonies to really add to this track.

Tyler Hilton is a master of the love song and even better at a heartbreak one.  He writes amazing lyrics that you can really relate to and Overtime is a great example of that.

Hopefully this is just the beginning of more new music to be heading our way as his last full length album was released in 2014. He continues to tour heavily so check out his website to check if he will be playing near you anytime soon as he is one act you should not miss with an amazing live energy.

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#MusicMonday: You - dodie (EP)

I've been lacking on the blogging front recently. And recently I've been quite good at making sure that I have at least got a music Monday to send out into the internet and vanish in amongst the mass.

dodie clark released her new EP on Friday. And after a hectic morning I finally got a moment to listen to it. " 6/10" which has been a favourite of mine for a while was available in a pre-sale so has been getting a lot of listen.  Its just the kind of song that you can really relate to which is something about dodie's song collection there are so many great relatable lyrics which really speak to her fan base.

"In the middle" starts the album on an entirely more upbeat mood that her previous EP the 2016 release "Intertwined".  As a whole this album is livelier the beat more uptempo the lyrics don't lose there depth or meaning and remain as relevant and brilliant.

I was really excited to see some of the songs on this album. "Would you be so kind" has been a firm favourite of mine since it was uploaded on her channel. Be warned it is incredibly catchy and you will find your self humming or singing it days after you've listened to it.

There's not a bad song on the EP, the only one I haven't mentioned yet is "Secret for the mad" which is the slowest song, catering to the mood of the song, but such an important and vital song. dodie who is open online about her struggles with mental health, and a mixed fan base many of whom have there own struggles, this song acts as a great way to describe the struggle and that "it will all make sense again"

Go listen, download and love.

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