Built // Project 365 // Day 151

When May began I put a list of 5 goals into the ethos hoping it would push me to achieve them. I managed two... So I will push forward in June and manage my time better.

May was a whirl wind. It was brilliant, exciting and full of fun. But I feel like i’ve Lived life on fast-forward all month.

Rome wasn’t built in a day... the years at the half way mark. I’m about to end my time on yet another spin round the sun. There’s still time to do all the things.

xoxo

The Days Behind and The Days Ahead // Project 365 // Day 150

I haven't had two days off in a row in a little while the last time I had consecutive days off was when I fucked off to Berlin for a couple of days.

I forget how refreshing it can be to not worry about work. Though my days have been filled there filled with things I enjoy doing.

I go back to work tomorrow and my next lot of days off I will be in Budapest which excites me more than I can say.

xoxo

Big and Small Problems // Project 365 // Day 149

When it comes to truth and justice, there is no distinction between small and big problems
- Albert Einstein

xoxo

Boring // Project 365 // Day 148

Never be afraid to try something new
Because life gets boring when you
Stay within the limits of what you already know

xoxo

Put yourself first // Project 365 // Day 147

You have to put yourself first sometimes.

The last few weeks for me have been mainly positive, I’m working on me for me.

I think when you’re doing well after a bad spell people can forget the work that was put in to get to the place you’re in.

An opportunity has arisen at work where a lot of people are asking if I’m going to do it. And my honest answer that comes from the most I’ve accepted my path and my place is no.

I struggled a few times with setbacks from the same opportunity and when I finally got to a place of what I thought was healing I threw  myself into the same hurt expecting different outcomes.

And though I acknowledge  this positive place I’m living in and that I have changed and grew from the experience. I’m not prepared to jeopardise where I am on this journey.

I sacrificed a lot over the years for thankless tasks in a role that does have enough of a pay rise to make it worth it.

I’m finally in a place where I have the confidence to go out into the world again. And I’m working hard to retain that.

xoxo

See What You Could Become // Project 365 // Day 146

May is in its final moments. We are about to wrap up on another month and enter what year on year becomes my true favourite month June.

May though has been a truly cathartic month and I have embraced the glorious mess that I am and said fuck it enough times that everything seems to be alright.

Life has  a funny way of working out when you least expect it to.

Personal growth comes from the places you weren’t trying to find it.

And you’ll see what you could become when the universe decides

Work In Progress // Project 365 // Day 145

To stand the test of time 

You’ve got to be a work in progress 

xoxo

Life on the Move // Project 365 // Day 144

I think life of best spent on the move.
The static feel of the day.
Has left me crazy.
Looking for more

xoxo

Places // Project 365 // Day 143

There are so many more places to explore. I’m looking up plane tickets and thinking let’s go.

xoxo

There are Moments that the Words don’t reach // Project 365 // Day 142

One of the best things about travel is that you will encounter some truly sobering experiences.

I had planned to go to the Memorial to the Murdered Jews during my time in Berlin but as it happened I ended up coming across it walking somewhere else. And the magnitude of it truly hit me.

The concrete slabs sit at different heights, whilst the ground also sloops. There’s order and anarchy to it.

xoxo

Sometimes // Project 365 // Day 141

Sometimes you just need an adventure
To cleanse the bitter taste of life from your soul

xoxo

Berlin // Project 365 // Day 140

grey skies won’t stop us

xoxo

change // Project 365 // Day 139

The point of change isn’t to make yourself  happy. The point of change is to grow, to show up for yourself, to express yourself, to be an example of what is possible, to test the limits, to have new experiences. You can be happy and grateful for where you are and and still choose to change everything, just because you want to

- Sam Laura Brown

East Side // Project 365 // Day 138

I encourage you all to travel 

Whenever the opportunity arises 

There is so much to see. 

There are so many versions of yourself to be! 

xoxo

Don’t Take Your Life For Granted // Project 365 // Day 137

One of the things that my 48 trip to Berlin taught me. Was that I take my life for granted, I live like stuff will happen eventually, that the universe will align and everything will work itself out.

When instead I should be doing the work, to change my life to what I want it to resemble. This trip was one of the first steps. To be able to run away for little while, see a new city, go to a gig. It was easy really. Less than three weeks from thought to fruition.

So the next step is to do it more.

Life is not a guarantee. We don’t know when that bus is coming. So do what makes you happy. Live for the moment. Get out of toxic situations and get on a plane. Let your feet hit foreign pavements.

Stop waiting to live your life. Stop waiting for the moment to be right. Stop waiting.

Don’t take your life for granted. Look back and be able to say at least you did it, at least you tried.

xoxo

Push the Boundaries // Project 355 // Day 136

This trip has been a massive push of my boundaries. 

In a hostel where I am in a ten bunk room I am the only female. We all say a casual hi but don’t interact much so it’s fine. But if you had told me that would be my reality before living it I wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have even contemplated it. 

I have surpassed the fears I suffered of eating alone. 

It’s been a navigation of who I thought I was and who I want to be. Where I find myself in this middle ground. 

Two days and a lot of thoughts can make you refigure a lot.... Apparently 

xoxo

Berlin Bound // Project 365 // Day 135

When I went my first solo travel at 20 I imagined it be the first of many. 

Setting of alone never bothered me until other people balked at the idea. You’d be amazed the amount of people who tell you they couldn’t/wouldn’t. Those words became niggling thoughts that maybe it was strange. But yet I ventured on and enjoyed my time. 

Though there were other struggles. I hadn’t quite understood the magnitude of 11 days away on my own in countries where my language wasn’t the main one spoken. It was scary and exhilarating. 

So when I came back I thought that it be inevitable that I’d do something again. 

And though I haven’t been deprived of adventures since. I’ve been to Lanzarote, New York, Annecy, Prague, Brighton and London 3 times in the space between. 

So a month ago when I realised it would be cheaper to see a band I liked in Berlin instead of Manchester I thought why not after a lot of humming and hawing. I had the money, I’d travelled alone before. There seemed to be no true issue with going. 

On the back of a lot of issues of the past few years is that I lost a lot of confidence that the 20 year old version of myself had. And in the fight to get the back I find myself in Berlin. 

In Berlin, hand luggage only, staying in a hostel. The second and third statements are scarier than they sound. 

I am a notorious overpacker. If you don’t have triple the amount of pants you need on a trip then quite frankly your not prepared for the trip has always been my motto. But here I am with a small bag my lovely new Kanken that fits in with Ryan Airs ridiculous limits. A bag that is smaller than the one I have been using for extras now contains everything and I can’t tell you how proud of myself I was when I packed it and realised I could do it. 

As for the hostel my other adventures have been Hotel and Air BnB Stays and I don’t bother booking if it’s a shared bathroom. I like my space. I like locking a room and having time and space. The only time I have ever stayed in a hostel is when I went on a 12 mile walk with my work along the last part of the Great Glen Way. But the four girls who went got a room of our own. So though I was sharing with 3 other people I knew them and we were leaving so early that the shared bathroom wasn’t much of an issue. 

But as I was trying to keep spend right down I find myself in a hostel. And to be fair for a couple of nights it seems like it will do. It’s a space to sleep and that’s all I need it for. 

xoxo

Oh The Places You Will Go... // Project 365 // Day 134

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

xoxo

Insane Courage // Project 365 // Day 133

All You Need is 

20 Seconds or insane courage 

Literally 20 Seconds of 

embarrassing bravery 

and I promise you something 

great will come of it

xoxo 

You Could Go Anywhere // Project 365 // Day 132

You could go anywhere. 

Do anything 

Be anyone 

xoxo

Nights Like These // 365 Project // Day 131

The sun is setting on such a weird day. So gin in hand I’ve popped over to a friends and we’re outside and we’re drunk. And life is alright. And summer is coming.

And I’m living for nights like these

xoxo

I Know // Project 365 // Day 130

I know what this looks like, I know, I know

I know what they're saying, I know, I know

That you're just on the other side of a real bad way 

and you're just on the other side of drowning your life away

Well its too damn bad it's all a big cliche 

Cause I know you were always the one 

I was looking for.

- Joy Lenz - 

xoxo

The right direction // Project 365 // Day 129

Take massive imperfect steps

towards your goals

xoxo

A Thank You to You // Project 365 // Day 128

Another open letter that I can’t send so here we go universe;

I suppose I should say thank you 

When you exited my life I didn’t notice, there was no gaping you shaped hole in the space where you left. It felt like nothing had changed at all. 

When I found out, in the midst of what felt like nothing but losing people from my life I wanted to try and keep all  who remained.  But why fight for something that you didn’t want to be a part of and I didn’t miss. 

Instead of spiralling into another reactionary period. Negative thoughts spreading. That had become so much of my last year. 

You became my realisation. My recovery. 

If a tree falls in the Forrest and nobody is there to hear it does it even make a sound. 

If a person leaves your life and you didn’t notice. Were they really in it. 

I’ll miss you, but what I really miss is a past that no longer exists. And the person you aspired to be. And I can’t wait anymore.

Not when you deem me so dispensable 

I’m happy with the memories. 

I’ll see you about. 

Maybe say Hey... 

xoxo

If you wanna check out my 

other open letter 

I'll Never send and You'll Never See 

click above. 

This is the Greatest Show // Project 365 // Day 127

Hugh Jackman kicked of his world tour “The Man, The Music, The Show”  and did not fail to delight. Charismatic and energetic he had the stage presence to wow this mega audience.

A true Variety act he pulled out tunes to suit all a ages in attendance, told stories, did a tap number. Awed the audience with a traditional Indigenous Music.

Never failing to make us laugh or cry.

A special appearance from powerhouse Keala Settle dining “This is Me” was truly breathtaking and I only wish we could have seen more of her throughout the evening.

But Hugh Jackman lived in his element a showman he seemed to be at home on stage easily breaking into numbers and joking with the crowd.

Proving he is The Greatest Showman.

xoxo

So Eyes Beyond and Hold on Strong // Project 365 // Day 126

Going to more gigs this year has been really good for me.

There is honestly no better feeling than just being in that moment, in the music.

Feel like I should add some bullshit about music being food for the soul... calling it bullshit whilst agreeing...

xoxo

You Know it’s Real // Project 365 // Day 125

There are some downsides to being on the shorter side of life. Though it looks like I had no view, I could see a little and the atmosphere more than made up for it.

It may have been the tequila but there were moments where I felt like I was 100% in the music. There was just an insane energy.

The Attic at the Garage is a small room but it’s only really downside is that the stage was level with the audience. It was such a moment to just be in.

xoxo

Tequila // Project 365 // Day 124

Tequila that's my sin 

The man who makes me win

A word in a sentence go's ary 

And suddenly I can't enjoy my night  

You enjoy. I'll go 

Like the burning down your throat

Has never been felt alone. 

The sensations  

Echo 

So many moments spent 

Don't tell me you never went. 

Never want. 

- HR 2017 - 

xoxo

Take Care // Project 365 // Day 123

Last night I had many ambitions to get the last train home. And be well rested for today’s 13 hour shift.

Many tequila shots later it had been decided that I wasn’t going for the train.

Last night was effortless fun. Good company, good music and good times.

So whilst this morning I had to take a little extra care. And struggled on. I don’t regret getting my self into that state.

 xoxo

6 Years // Project 365 // Day 122

I wanted to write something big and profound. Today is the anniversary of me leaving high school, it’s also the anniversary of the day I had my interview for the college I attended. It’s been Six Years.

I don’t have anything that profound to say.

The passage of time normally leaves me rather down and I struggle with where I am at and what little progress I feel I have made.

This year feels different.

The tick of another year hasn’t left me shattered. I’m not racing to pick up the pace.

I’m taking a moment to appreciate the life I am living.

I’m not letting the fear of time running out scare me into situations I don’t want to be in.

So cheers to another year out of the place that once consumed my life.

xoxo 

May Goals // Project 365 // Day 121

I got some goals that I'm gonna put out into the universe so that I hopefully fulfil them.

• attend a new fitness class
• go to a gig
• read a book
• swim 40 lengths in an hour 
• see 2 new films

xoxo