Fortune // 365 Project // Day 31

January is finally coming to a close, and it’s been a weird one. A good one, but a weird one.

Tonight I finally got to go out and catch up with a friend. It was so good to see her. We text everyday and FaceTime quite a bit but nothing beats an IRL interaction.

We had a Chinese and of course we all know the best part of a Chinese is the Fortune at the end. She opened hers and there was nothing. And if I sit towards the east maybe something good night come my way.

Who knows.

But of fortune wants to come my way. I’ll happily accept a little goodness to get me by.

xoxo

I'm Letting Go // Project 365 // Day 30

In autumn the trees shed their leaves, they show us how beautiful it can be to let the dead things go. As they turn vibrant colours and blanket the ground a crunch beneath your step. We begin to wrap up warmer as the days become more crisp.

People have there autumns too and now I realise you're the dead thing I need to let go.

An act I wish was easier, but like those regretful days as autumn begins, when you still grip on to summer and leave the house without a jacket, you only end up cold and disappointed.

As summer dwindled to an end and the warm days disappeared so did you, so did a lot of things, and suddenly my life seemed to have shed without any warning, a reality I didn't want to face.

Now amongst the colder days of winter I realise that as seasons change so do the seasons of our lives. And we just wouldn't have been able to face the coldness of winter together. It would have become too bitter. Your blasting chill would have made for a bleaker winter.

The severe frost you create, reminds me that I no longer know you.

I seek warmth elsewhere now.

Spring is on the horizon soon, the world will reawaken soon.

Time changes everything.

xoxo

January 92nd // Project 365 // Day 29

This year I attempted to fill my January with things to look forward to and make the month feel a little less depressing.

But here we are January remains to be the month that just doesn’t seem to end. And no matter what I do it always seem to kick me until I’m down.

So this photo is from July 2017. Annexy is a gorgeous place that I urge you all to visit if you get a chance. I’m dreaming up where I want to explore this year to get me through this brutal beginning.

xoxo

Life Lesson // Project 365 // Day 28

Editing your life can be a peculiar task.

Looking back on past moments can make you yearn for the past.

But life only moves forward and everything will help with your inevitable growth.

Sometimes you got to say fuck it and do it whilst you still can.

Other times you have to embrace what’s happening.

xoxo

Moments Pass // Project 365 // Day 27

Human Emotions aren't real
Time is irrelevant 
This is just a moment 
And Moment Pass

- HR 2016

xoxo

I’m out // Project 365 // Day 26

I’m at the pub.

I don’t wanna miss a day

Here’s a photo

 xoxo

Conscious // Project 365 // Day 25

I nearly booked a solo trip to London.

This isn't a big scary thing for me, I've down solo trips before. I'm comfortable being alone. Its a life skill I believe everyone should learn.

But I didn't book it.

Not as a solo trip anyway.

Waitress is transferring to West End and since its easier for me to get to London than New York I decided to treat myself. But I created this huge negative narrative in my head of what people might think if I made it a solo venture that I stopped myself from doing so.

I've never been ultra aware of what people think of me . I don't know why but it just never really bothered me, I did my own thing, like the things I liked, did what I wanted to do. I sent seek companionship for every moment of my life. I don't need it.

But recently I've become so self-conscious of how I'm perceived. And it's beginning to stunt the thing I do and don't do I say year to things and no to things and I take into consideration of what other people may think.

But the big thing it effects is my social media presence. I have not felt free to express my self on my youtube channel or blog in so long because I have such small following I think what the point. And then I wonder how pathetic people perceive it if I do try.

So I stop trying.

I'm working to reverse this.

xoxo 

There’s Good in the Bad // Project 365 // Day 24

I’ve done a fifteen hour shift. I bumped into someone who stopped talking to me last year and had a wee cry. I am so tired that my eyes sting. I feel maxed out. 

I often focus so hard on the days negatives that’s it neglects me from seeing any good that may have happened. 

So here are the good things about my day. 

1. I treated myself to a costa because I was working a fifteen hour day and if that’s not enough of a reason then you have issues. 
2. I have done 17,009 steps which according to my phone is the most steps I’ve done in a day so far this year
3. I have an amazing friend who phoned me the minute I texted her in a crisis near break down. We had a vent, joked about the situation confirmed that I’m not crazy or that we both are. 
4. I’m a little tired and should have maybe note taken during the day. But folk have been good. I have mini eggs and a face mask and then I’m calling it a day 
5. I’m off tomorrow. So I don’t have to set an alarm and that excites me more than it should. 

xoxo

Don't Rush the Process // Project 365 // Day 23

I have felt so frustrated for so long now, that I'm not where I need to be.

I make plans, and make myself aware that it will take time and still get completely aggravated that I'm not at the end goal.

Rushing the process won't help matters, it will slow you down in other ways. Burn you out completly.

I'll get to where I need to be. It's just gonna take a little time.

xoxo

The First Fall of Snow // Project 365 // Day 22

They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so I have been told.

When I woke up this morning my world was covered with a white blanket, there is something quite serene about fresh snow, the world feels still. 

In autumn we watch the world shed its colour to prepare for the harshness of winter. The beauty in winter is watching the survival leading into a reawakening 

A little late for the first fall of Snow, it’s nice to see it for a little while. I’m hoping for a quick departure from the cold stuff after the hassle it caused last year. 

xoxo

What do you want to do? // Project 365 // Day 21

So what do you want to do? 

I want to spend days taking photos and be able to be proud of everyone that I post.
I want to make short films, and have time to edit them.
I want to be paid correctly and  not be chasing what I'm owed.
I want to not scrape by pay cheque to pay cheque
I want to live and not just survive
I want to spend time wandering places I've never been to just me and my camera
I want to finish a book.
I want to live outside my comfort zone instead of this repetition life.
I want to stop doubting and start doing
I want to escape

I want to be able to answer this question out loud

I want to stop saying I don't know

I want you to stop asking this question, not because I don't want to hear it, but because I'm no longer in this place of needing to be asked.

xoxo

Catch Up // Project 365 // Day 20

I'm on the phone to a friend catching up. It's been a good weekend. Ready for round two next weekend.

xoxo

A Little Rough // Project 365 // Day 19

I was not feeling today at all... we went out last night and I had a great time. But it was a late one and I drank a little more than a person starting work at 10.30am should. So I started the day a little delicate, a little rough. But I got through, somehow I managed it.

You're only young once and all that jazz, January's are long enough without trying to impose any sort or "dryness" upon them.

Ready for round two next weekend... once I catch up on my sleep.

xoxo

City on Fire // Project 365 // Day 18

City On Fire is the latest album release from one of my favourite artists Tyler Hilton released today I have chosen a picture from when I saw him in 2015. I've been lucky enough to see this talented man live 5 (I think) times now. If you ever get the opportunity I honestly would urge you not give up the chance I first saw him live in 2012 and saw one of his shows last year and its been an experience every time.

It's been just over four years since Hilton's last album release, instead choosing to release EP Live in the Garden and Various singles which have all been leading us to here,  a new album Hilton's self proclaimed break from 'artistic jail' and creating the sound he originally set out to make.

Hilton's Lyrics have tis undeniably honest storytelling way about. There's a real raw emotion that pours out of tracks like "I don't wanna be scared" and "When I see you, I see home", there's awe in "the way that she loves", there's relief in "When the night moves",  there's grit behind "City on Fire", frustration in "Overtime" and a whole lot of fun in in "Find me one.

His songs are relateable You can find reflections of real life within them. This album has definitely been worth the wait.

I look forward to the next UK tour. But until that time comes, I'll be over here listening to these great new tunes. And with Tyler Hilton hinting that a new EP won't be long to follow up with the material he left off the album It seems like this is going to be a great year for fans of his music.

xoxo

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Life's a Carousel Ride // Project 365 // Day 17

When I go to theme parks I really love heading for the big roller coasters, I love one that turns upside down. I love the thrill of it. The ups and downs, loops, twists and turns. But no matter how much I love a good roller coaster I still have a lot of love for a good old Carousel Ride.

It's not a wild ride, but there's music and laughter and it's dependable.  No matter where you are you know what you're getting with it.

 Life's a lot like a carousel, there's ups and downs and you just keep on going round.  So pick a horse and hold on tight.

xoxo

Your Bad Day is Not an Excuse // Project 365 // Day 16

My day job, the one that pays the bills is a thankless task in a supermarket. I’m your checkout girl. You spend two minutes with me in an eight hour shift and can make a lasting impression. 

Don’t get me wrong a vast majority of the public can be lovely. I love a chat. It’s part of my job I can talk about anything, it’s a skill I’ve honed in on in my 7 years with the business. I can even talk to you about the weather with complete sincerity. Hot, cold, I’m with you. It’s a struggle. 

I can sit in silence if that’s what you need, I’ll do my job we’ll both go through the motion and continue with our days. 

I can pack your bags or leave you to it. I’m adaptable nothings a haste. I’ll get someone to fetch replacements. I’ll listen to you bash my place of work and I’ll give out a half hearted apology. Prices, products moving aisles, items being discontinued all well out of my pay grade. But I’m the face you see so I’ll listen.  

So your bad day is not an excuse for a shitty attitude. I’ve got some surprising news for you we all have them, some of us just have to learn to cope. 

Screaming at the girl who gets just a little more than minimum wage isn’t going to change your mood but it’s going to change hers. 

And that’s where I was twenty minutes before my shift ended last night. Someone was taking there bad day out on me. Screaming at me for things completely out of my control and I apologised whilst they continued to degrade me in the middle of the store.  

You’d think after 7 years I’d take this kind of  thing on the chin. But last night really got to me.  I was made to feel horrible so that someone who doesn’t know me could let of some steam. Then she put in a complaint in about my attitude. 

It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to someone. Sometimes your better to say nothing at all. 

Make the best out of a Tuesday // Project 365 // Day 15

January can sometimes feel like the longest month. That there is no end to a month that can not compete with the highs of what December brings.

I feel like this Winter I have it the wrong way about, don't get me wrong December had good moments, but none that rivalled the way December 2017 was for me, and this January has been filled with friends and nights outs.

I have a few things still to look forward, and I'm looking forward to making the most out of this month. January gets a bad rapt.

You just gotta be the kind of person that can make the best of a Tuesday. And realise it's what you do and who you spend it with it that will make it everything it needs to be.

xoxo

LEBOWSKIS // Project 365 // Day 14

The good thing about this project is that it pushes me to stop and look as I'm walking about I stumbled upon this Lebowski's pub whilst I was in Edinburgh the other week ago.

I never went it, I've also never seen the movie. Both things I'm going to try and rectify this year.

xoxo

Underneath the Lovely London Sky // 365 Project // Day 13

Im in the midst of finishing up booking my next trip to London Town. I love this City it's becoming a home away from home. The streets are so familiar now,  I know my way about.

I've been down at least once a year since about 2013 and I started venturing down in 2008. I love the skyline, the magnitude, the underground, the West End.

It's a couple of days in familiar territory living the existence I wish I could afford everyday, meandering around shops, hunting down records at the Camden Markets, getting dinner then seeing a show. It's true bliss, it's me living my best life.

The last few times I've been down, I've uttered that's it. No more. The expense for a few days in this town could get me a whole week elsewhere. But yet it calls me, I end back up on its streets. Under its sky.

Who could say no to that skyline.

51 days...

xoxo

Beginning to Feel the Years // 365 Project // Day 12

I'm beginning to feel the years, but I'm going to be ok... 

there are things that I've said before I don't mean them anymore.

Yesterday is so long ago and far away. 

-Brandi Carlile 

xoxo

14 & 1/2 hours // 365 Project // Day 11

It’s been a little whilst since I’ve put myself through a split shift.  And I am easily reminded why when I started work at 7.30am and did not leave until just after 10pm.

I was supposed to finish at 2 but being the glutton for punishment I am I said yes when asked if I could stay on.

I’m shattered. After not feeling well at all yesterday and napping consistently I only managed 3 hours during the night.  I’ve been running on empty all day and am very much looking forward to my head hitting the pillow.

xoxo

Longest Day // 365 Project // Day 10

This mornings grey and gloomy start feels like another lifetime ago. I struggled to get through my working day. After being violently sick and not being able to afford to lose hours to go home. I just felt crappy for the rest of the day.

I came home and napped in a bid to get rid of the nauseous feeling. Woke up four hours later. I moved downstairs in a bid to try and eat something and have since fallen into another nap.  So I’m posting this quickly. Whilst I’m awake. As it’s back to bed for another early rise tomorrow.

I feel so run down today. Everything just felt so long.

xoxo

Resolutions // 365 Project // Day 9

I stood at the bus stop waiting to go to work. Not nearly as refreshed as I had hoped.  When I watched a man struggle to cycle up the hill, but with determination he went for it anyway. 

It got my thinking about resolutions, maybe this was his. Chilly afternoon cycle maybe he was all in. 

Then I thought about my many snoozes on the alarm clock and cancelled spin class. After a bad nights sleep I had decided to put a halt to going back to the gym... till tomorrow, in hopes of sleeping a little bit longer and feeling a bit better. 

But I still feel just meh, maybe getting up and going would have made me feel better. 

My main resolution this year is to work on me, and get myself into a better place, physically, financially, mentally. And any other -ally ways that will work to benefit me. The months nearly in double digits and I’m not beating myself over not starting properly yet. 

There are many days still to come and I’m not about to feel defeated a week and a half into the new year. 

I hope what ever you want from this year, you are working towards to achieve. Small steps or big steps there all steps. 

xoxo

Can You Imagine That? // 365 Project // Day 8

"When you change the view from where you stood

The things you view will change for good"

I took a long weekend, some time away from work at the start of the year to freshen up. The festive season left me shattered today I ventured into town after a couple of nothingness days to see Mary Poppins Returns and to get a couple of shots so that I had a couple of days worth of photos so that I can keep up with my challenge when I return to the hustle and bustle. 

Mary Poppins returns is practically perfect. It has nods to the first film, whilst holding its own identity, I've seen complaints about the music not being as catchy, but Can You Imagine That? has been stuck in my head since I left the cinema. So has The Place Where Lost Things Go.

The whole movie was filled with whimsy and wonder. I love that they used traditional hand drawn animation in the cartoon sequences. It's honestly just a feel good movie, that will make you laugh and cry. 

Go see it on the big screen if you have the chance. 

xoxo

One Week Down // 365 Project // Day 7

Day 7 means that there are now just 358 to keep up with. I knew this would be a challenge stepping in to it. Keeping up with a photo a day. Initially when I thought about this challenge one of the "rules" was going to be that I had to take the photo on the day.

Thats quite unrealistic for me. My life just doesn't account for that. Instead I edit and upload the photo's on the day I post. Some of the photos have been taken on the day that I posted them and there will probably be many more in the future that are taken, edited and uploaded all within a day.

But for now I am no pressuring myself I have no rules, other than I have to had taken the picture in the first place. This is another one from the weekend and a I have a few more that I want to upload from then.

xoxo

Make Effort for People who Make Effort for You // 365 project // Day 6

Yesterday I wrote about how I was miles outside my comfort zone going to a day out for a birthday of a friend. And one of my reasons for going was challenging myself outside of my comfort zone. Seeking new and unfamiliar territory. 

The main reason though was that this year my aim is to make effort for people who make effort for me. And my friend is someone who makes effort to see me, to text. And this year I want to make sure I’m returning the favour. Not just for her but all the people in my life who make the effort. 

I’m going to stop putting a lot of effort into one sided friendships. And start putting in effort to the people who can often be taken for granted because they're always there. 

Putting in the effort can be rewarding, whither instantaneous like last night where going out resulted in meeting friendly new people and discovering new cocktails bars that I will certainly be returning to.  Other times it may take a while to see your effort paid off like with exercise or eating healthier but no matter the case if you put effort into the right things then you will reap the positive side effects. 

xoxo

Miles out my Comfort Zone // 365 Project // Day 5

I took time of work, I set my alarm for 8... I woke up at 9 because mornings aren’t my thing, I missed the train, drove to the next station and travelled to the Capital on a Saturday. 

I’ve had nights out recently that have filled me with dread. That the thought of has left me panicked. The reality is they’re not that bad. 

I build it up in my head. 

So today I’m going miles out of my comfort zone attending a birthday day out of a friend who is the only person I know in a group of twenty... well I know her boyfriend but we’ve only met a couple of times. 

This is normally something I’d say no to, and arrange to meet at another time. But life doesn’t happen in your comfort zone. And the little things you do to break away from those same old habits will spiral into bigger accomplishments. 

So today I’m miles outside of my comfort zone, and that’s ok. Cause it’s day 5 of a New Year and I’m busy creating a new me. 

xoxo

Start As You Mean To Go On // 365 Project // Day 4

Today on the fourth day of the year I have surpassed the amount of times that I posted altogether last year, start as you mean to go on and all that.

This photo was taken in York on Christmas day... that's my dad other family members a few paces in front of him. The scenery near my aunts house was something else... spending time with my dad at Christmas was priceless, this is the first time we had woken up in the same house on Christmas day since I was 11.

I've mentioned 2018 was weird.

When I thought about challenging myself with this project in the final few weeks of the year I was excited and eager to start. Now in these meh days of early year where I don't feel quite started or accomplished I struggle with how I will survive through it.

But I'm doing this for me, the me that was inspired over Christmas, enamoured with country sides I hadn't visited in years.

xoxo

hazy days // 365 project // day 3

This is a photo from 2015, when I was in Milan today I gave it a little edit to make the building and sky contrast a little more and harshen the shadows.

I remember this trip and how both terrifying and freeing solo adventuring was.

There are very cheap flights to Milan on the go right now and its all too tempting to run away for a bit. I've had a day where I just didn't feel like I was present it all felt hazy. And maybe a trip would do me some good.

I have to many plans this month that I don't won't to miss out on for a spontaneous trip.

... but maybe sometime soon.

xoxo

And life resumes // 365 project // Day 2

Last year after I rang in the New Year I felt protected by this little happiness bubble that I had created. I was in awe of the fireworks, fairy lights and being with my friends. I was so optimistic that I was about to have the best year.

That didn't pan out. 2018 was a bumpy ride with a lot of negatives especially once the year hit the mid way mark and just seemed to keep spiralling from there.

I have entered 2019 with a less optimistic mindset but none the less I am determined  to have a great year. Though the year is only on day two I already feel like Christmas (this pic was taken Christmas day in York) and New years happened weeks ago. And last year I was in June feeling like I had just celebrated New Years.

So its definitely a new year, with a new feel.

Life really seems to have just resumed, there seemed to be no stopping really. I definitely miss living off the back of a new year high, but hopefully self-motivation will be the key. I'm taking a long weekend this week to get a break from work so that should help me get on track.

xoxo

It's A New Year! // 365 project // Day 1

When thinking about resolutions or challenges for myself this year, one of the things I wanted to push myself to do more of was to take more pictures and post them... I already take a lot of photos I started last year attempting to do this but didn't do a lot of posting.

So I then decided that in 2019 I was going to do a 365 project, and then when deciding on what platform to share them on I decided where's better than my poor neglected blog. I had thought about Insta/Insta stories but I have settled on here as I don't want the pressure of trying to keep a semblance of a theme on my Instagram and I want to have the ability of commentary hence no insta stories.

I was trying to find a new years pic I had taken to start this challenge properly instead here's one from the 28th of December this is where I welcomed in 2018 at the Ashton Lane Street Party, we saw out 2018 and said hi to the new year at a party in my house. The hangover has been brutal.

2018 was a weird one, it felt like it was going right until it didn't and when it all came crashing down it did so in spectacular fashion. Here's to a better 2019! and hopefully keeping up with this project.

xoxo