The Counting House // Project 365 // Day 90

90 days

2160 Hours

129,600 Minutes

7,776,000 Seconds

this is where we are 

this is what has passed

For someone who spends an awful amount of time wasting it
the passing time really fascinates me. 
Today the clocks sprung forward
March draws its close 
and time moves on. 
as it's always done. 

xoxo

Burning Bridges // Project 365 // Day 89

Burn that bridge.

If you need to.

Don’t let anyone tell you not to, that you shouldn’t burn a bridge you may need to cross again.

 Some bridges need burned so that you don’t go back.

If you leave yourself the ability to go back how are you ever meant to move forward.

Let the bridges your burn light your way.

Throw a match, turn and smirk and burn that shit down sis.

xoxo

*no bridges were harmed in the making of this post 

Drunk Thoughts // Project 365 // Day 88

Why do you always think you will loose me.
Like I'd run away.
Like if you don't hang on tight enough
I wouldn’t stay. 

- HR 2016

xoxo

no one cares // Project 365 // Day 87

- In the end blessedly, no one 

cares too much about you - 

I read this the other day and it was weirdly one of the most comforting things for me. 

It was in this pack of cards that I can't remember the name of but I think I need in my life 

just to bring me peace in moments of madness. 

xoxo

Push Yourself // Project 365 // Day 86

I have made a conscious effort to go back to the gym this week. My body aches. The rewards will start kicking in soon enough if I stick to it.

I did a leg day today, I started the week with upper body because I'm trying not to irritate my knee too much. I had to push myself harder than I normally would because of the pain, but I got through it.

Then I went for a swim so that I could de-stress for a moment.

For the rest of the night you will find me on the couch cause I am done in.

I'm so glad I'm back at the gym. Two sessions in and I'm already feeling mentally better because of it.

xoxo

What If we got it all Wrong // Project 365 // Day 85

So we tried our best, but it wasn't enough.

And we tried so hard that we fucked it up

And I understand, yeah I understand it love.

It's gotta be hard what you're going through

And I get what you say, but it's what we do,

That got us here and I guess what's done is done.

-Wakey Wakey- 

Excuses // Project 365 // Day 84

84 days into the year and I am fed up of making excuses for myself. I haven’t been to the gym this year and my membership is burning a hole in my bank account.

Last night I packed my gym kit, took it to work with me. All day I wasn’t feeling it. By the end of my shift I felt drained and my feet ached in my new work shoes I’m breaking in. All I wanted to do was go home.

I was telling a friend that I didn’t want to go. But I knew that going back today was the difference between getting back into routine and another week or month of making excuses for myself.

Once I’m at the gym I feel great. The endorphins kick in and not matter how sore I am after a work out I can never truly regret it because at least I showed up.

Here’s to routine and no more excuses.

xoxo

Heavy Debates // Project 365 // Day 83

Today I talked about heavy subjects.

Religion, Politics, Money.

And it didn't feel all that heavy.

I mainly try and stay away from these subjects especially with the current political climate as I don't want to spark any angered heated debates. I have my views and you have yours is my normal leave it there type of thinking.

Instead of my normal approach I spoke about these subjects with people who have different, some opposing views. People who looked at things differently.

Agreeing on very little, but all interested in each others opinions because there is so much to be learned from the people around you.

I find it all fascinating, I like learning what other people have concluded from situations and how they have reached their line of thinking. So if you have a chance to sit down with people who aren't screaming that you're wrong, or are trying to change your viewpoint but instead just want to show how they see things. Take that chance and converse with them.

You will leave the conversation enlightened. Life is full of people who have walked down different roads than the one you are on.

They have seen life differently. And so have you.

In high school my Modern Studies teacher would often have the class debate opposing views and discuss what we felt before and after the debate and I miss that maturity to subjects. People got to have a view without feeling attacked.

xoxo

this time... // project 365 // Day 82

At the forefront of my mind for the past couple of hours I have been screaming at myself to put up todays post, but I couldn't find a picture. I have a few topics buzzing about my head but no motivation to really think them out.

So here's a photo from December, the last of 2018's Time of the Months are up on my youtube channel and soon enough I'm going to be posting regular content again.

I want to be more creative I want to spend more time making things.

So in the mean time have a gander at that. December was full I went to the Lea Michele and Darren Criss concert, and then there was a lot of Christmas festivities and of course new years.

xoxo

Rainbow // Project 365 // Day 81

I was brought up in a line 

But I seem to walk in circles

It’s getting hard to navigate 

When every map was never made for me

- dodie - 

xoxo

KAWALA // Project 365 // Day 80

Kawala, pronounced like the animal, spelt like you shouldn't have been in charge of final decisions when we decided on what to call the band.

This banned dawned the stage before dodie, as one of her two support acts. They managed to successfully shut my pal up which says more for them than any kind of review you will read on them.

We took notice because they have a great sound, there songs have a good beat that you want to move to. They have a great sound that you will want to listen to.

I have there Counting the Miles EP on whilst I type this, and I do love it. It's only 4 tracks long so worth a listen if you have a spare 15 minutes.

xoxo

Barrowland // Project 365 // Day 79

From my first real concert at 15, for years I didn't count the concert my parents took me to when I was little, as I always prefer to tell people my first concert was My Chemical Romance and not S-Club 7. I spent a lot of my youth going to see different bands. this all kinda fell away in the last year or two. But I still truly believe there is nothing better than live music.

I discovered some of my favourite bands whilst going to gigs.  The Blackout whilst seeing Panic! at the Disco, Patent Pending at a Bowling for Soup gig, Lacey when we went to see Patent Pending on tour, Stephen Kellogg when at last minute we went to see Matt Nathanson. And that's just to name a few. There's a power to live music and I live near some rather good venues.

I managed to experience some great venues before they turned into drinking spots the arches in Glasgow and HMV Picture House now renamed the Caley Picturehouse the nicest wetherspoons I've ever been in. Both spots to experience as they are now if you get the chance.

I've even filmed Casey Shea at the Oran Mor, one of my favourite venues and then returned to a different part of the Oran Mor to photograph a Graduation Ball.

But amidst this all I never made it out to the Barrowland Ballroom, a venue I've always admired from a far because of that big glowing sign.

So last Friday when I ventured out for dodie's gig I was excited to finally experience the Barrowlands. The venue is lovely the acoustics are great, drinks not to pricy and you spend your night under the iconic starry sky.

I've still got many venues to tick of my list, but I don't need excuses to go back to gigs, friday was enough to remind me how much I missed that.

xoxo

She // Project 365 // Day 78

Am I allowed to look at her like that?

Could it be wrong

When she's just so nice to look at?

-dodie-

One of the great things I noticed at the dodie concert was what a safe space it was for LGBTQ+ youth to be 100% authentically themselves without fear of judgement. Not having to be self conscious of who they are. It was really empowering to see an audience that was just such an  accepting space. 

From the girl who handed out hearts in the queue to this glorious moment pictured during she. It was all really lovely. 

xoxo

Sick of Losing Soul Mates // Project 365 // Day 77

We will grow old as friends, 
I've promised that before so what's one more
In our grey-haired circle, waiting for the end?
Time and hearts will wear us thin
So which path will you take, 'cause we both know a break
Does exactly what it says on the tin

-dodie-

xoxo

I'm So Human // Project 365 // Day 76

Will you share your soul with me?

Unzip your skin and let me have a see

Paint me in trust

I'll be your best friend

Call me the one

This night just can't end

-dodie-

xoxo

I’ve Got A Secret For The Mad // Project 365 // Day 75

artist dodie graced the barrowlands stage on March 15th, to a sold out crowd, full of energy and sad songs.

I've been a longtime listener after hearing Carrie Hope Fletcher and Celinde Schoenmaker cover "adored by him" in 2014  I became interested in the songstress.

I didn't know what to expect from a dodie gig, they tend to sell out fast, the crowd seemed to have a good mix but the large amount of yellow t-shirt (is it tho?) flower crowned young fans left me feeling old, seriously when did everyone get so young and amongst them dutiful parents who deserve all the parental points.

We caught the end of Orla Gartland's set and having heard of her but never listened to her before she's someone I'm going to check out.

Kawala really impressed me though, they had a really good sound and a lot of energy. A natural stage presence and were quite funny. Definitely a band to give a moment too.

dodie's set was amazing, though softly spoken and can be hard to hear over the cheers of the crowd she seemed in her element, and though you could argue that there are one too many sad songs in her repertoire her fans don't seem to mind. 

There's a hopeful ambiguity to a lot of them. 

And the energetic finale left the crowd buzzing.  

I don't go to gigs as much as I used to and last night really left me wondering why, there is honestly no better feeling than being in a room with people who find comfort in the same lyrics you do.

separate but the same.

each experiencing the same moment differently.

"I've got a secret for the mad

in a little bit of time it won't

hurt so bad"

xoxo

Storm Hannah // Project 365 // Day 74

There’s a reason storms are named after people...

Storm Hannah’s rolling in this weekend, bringing gusts of wind, heavy rain, snowfall. Another day of British weather really.

But finding out a storm has your name gave me the same excitement as when your a child and find your named on a fridge magnet or key ring.

But elevated.

There is something fierce about sharing your name with a storm. A shared strength.

A chaos and a calm.

Cause destruction or clear a path.

xoxo

The Science Experiment // Project 365 // Day 73

I really struggle going to sleep. And after having last week off and jumping back into early shifts at work this week I have been STRUGGLING!

My alarm was set for half five this morning, I remember hearing it. But thinking not much time had passed at all since I closed my eyes. Mainly asleep o hit snooze I always set my alarm with half an hour to go.

I rework a few moments later. Forgetful of my alarm. Hearing my mum blow dry her hair. I wondered why my alarm hadn’t gone of yet. And turned back over thinking it’s bound to go off soon.

When it went off again in what felt like no time at all. In my exhausted dream like state I was annoyed at the scientist... bare with me. I thought I was in an experiment for time travel where they were testing the effects on reversing time and then accelerating it to test the effects on humans.

First test obviously whilst alseep because less impact that way I guess.

I angirly turned of my alarm. Feeling groggy and dizzy. And that the experiment wasn’t worth it.

I had nearly forgotten about it when my alarm went off again. And I turned of my alarm and got out of bed and returned to reality.

But I was still really annoyed at the scientists.

Brains really are a weird and wonderful thing.

xoxo

What to Say // Project 365 // Day 72

Today my brain feels like a pile of mush, like I can only spout out a pile of gibberish. That there are millions of words just out of grasp to convey something I’d want to say yet I don’t know what any of that is.

What to say, what words to use, how to use them.

My brains just went meh, you’ll get by.

Till Morrow when hopefully I have regained some use of the English language

xoxo

His Masters Voice // Project 365 // Day 71

Most of the time I like to think I have a clue, that I have a few brain cells that get me by. That I’m smart enough.  Not to be confused with being actually smart. But smart enough to get by, people can ask me things and I am not always clueless to what the answer could be.

But I like everyone else am privy to having some rather dipsy moments where my intelligence could and should be questioned.

Now as I have mentioned in previous posts. I have frequented some time in dear old London Town. And Oxford Street where this photo was taken. Is a spot that I have regularly returned to. So I must have passed this before.

But still even as regular to HMV stores my first trip being when I was only a baby and my dad had to kill sometime waiting on my mum in Edinburgh. I was shocked to discover what HMV stood for. Mainly cause I didn’t think it really stood for anything.

I turned round to my mum and said has it always meant that followed  by aww the dog makes sense. That’s smart. I never knew that. And she gave me that look she gives me when I sound like I have had no formal education. And shakes her head.

And I’m in my own wee world snapping up pictures. Cause let’s be fair this signage looks grand.

xoxo

Musings of the Day // Project 365 // Day 70

I went back to work today, I woke up to banging on the my door a downside to living at home still and my mum thinking I was starting earlier than I was. I turned back over but truly couldn’t sleep.

I had four hours sleep I was groggy, I did basic make-up and rushed out the door and flat on my face. The frost on the grass somehow didn’t trigger my brain into thinking it may be icy and to take care.

My already injured knee got slammmed. And honestly if that isn’t a bad start to a week I don’t know what is.

Positive mind kept me going after my shift instead of coming home to nap after I would on shifts like these. I made scones and soup.

My knee still hurts I spent the rest of the night resting it whilst watching The Marvelous Mrs Maisel a good show and definite recommendation if you need one.

xoxo

That Sunday Night Feeling // Project 365 // Day 69

Tomorrow I have to return to work, I often get to comfortable within those four walls I become consumed by a place that doesn’t offer me what I need.

I haven’t felt that Sunday night feeling, the one you’d get in your school days in years. Sunday nights aren’t the same when your contracted to work weekends.

I’m not ready to go back, in the last year or so I have come to feel trapped. When I’m there it no longer feels comfortable or familiar.

Money draws me in. That’s how I make my living.

But maybe one day it won’t be.

Maybe one day I won’t dread waking up and going to work.

Life’s not meant to be lived like that.

But for now I need it to fund my other trips this year.

xoxo

I Wanna Go Back // Project 365 // Day 68

I'm only just home, but I want to be away again.

I think that's thing when you start to wander new streets, you start to crave that experience more, despite small bathrooms and uncomfortable beds, monstrous flights of stairs.

I return to London in November and will got to Budapest in June for the first time. I am going to try and spend some time, discovering new places closer to home. My bank balance will thank me for that for sure.

xoxo

In this Place Where We Belong // Project 365 // Day 67

There’s a reason everybody’s talking about Jamie, honestly this show was so much fun. I went into this show not having heard the soundtrack of only ever heard an excerpt from the first song which is a rarity for me. I’ve only ever walked into two other shows having not listened to the soundtrack in its entirety.

This was a show that we had heard so many good things about we thought why not give it a try and I’m so thankful we do. This cast is incredible, it’s funny, it’s heartwarming. It shows a true dynamic of being different some people will accept you and others will find you to be too much.

The whole cast appeared to be having as good a time as the audience. And some standout moments include Shane Ritchie’s “The Legend of Loco Chanel”,  Rebecca McKinnins as Jamie’s mum will break your hear with “he’s my boy” and “if I met myself again”.

Layton Williams is made to fill the heels of Jamie New, he certainly has the legs for it. His voice is amazing and his energy is unbelievable.

The whole cast is unbeliable. The energy they put into each number is fantastic. I left with so many songs in my head and downloaded the album straight away.

xoxo

Opening Up // Project 365 // Day 66

In my fridge sits a piece pie, what remains of my night seeing Waitress. It’s last pre-view tonight it is officially “Opening up”  and if last night was anything to go by I can assure you it will be glorious.

This cast really gel together, every interaction, every movement feels real. You really get lost in the story and feel and off into for these Characters.

I bought these tickets before casting was released and honestly could not have got luckier with who graced the stage.

Katherine McPhee who I have loved since Smash, is effortless as Jenna, she breaks your heart with She Used to be Mine, you can feel her frustration in What Baking can do.

Marissa Wallace as Becky is hilariou and  she will blow you away with “I didn’t plan it”

Laura Baldwin as Dawn has great comical timing “When he sees me” is so funny not only lyrically but the choreography is key in  making the whole scene as hysterical as it was.

The men of the show David Hunter, Stephen Leask and Jack McBrayer are all hysterical. Ogie’s moments are some of the funniest in the show, Cal’s annoyance with the waitress’s and his showdowns with Becky are brilliant and Dr Pomatter will give you second hand embarrassment at a moments notice.

Hating Earl is part of the show, Peter Hannah plays him so well through the shows harsher realities.

Shaun Prendergast singing “take it from an old man” will melt your heart.

The ensemble were amazing throughout the seasons, whither customers at the diner, guests at a wedding or playing pivotal parts in flashbacks there was always something happening that you were drawn to.

All in all what I’m trying to say is I loved it.

I got goosebumps and teared up the second the band started. I sat with grin on my face for most of the show. I laughed, I Laughed harder and cried.

If you get the chance to go see Waitress then I certainly encourage you to do so.

xoxo

There’s Something about the Theatre // Project 365 // Day 65

I’m going to write a little more over the next couple of days about the shows that I have seen whilst in. London.

But there’s something to be said for Theatre in general, I love it. Sitting in a chattering crowd and when the lights go down and the band you know the stories about to start and you get lost in there world for an hour or two.

I have cried when the first notes played, I have given standing ovations before intervals, I’ve laughed so hard I’ve snorted, I’ve sat on the literal edge of my seat for the entire show because I was so immersed.

I love it.

There’s magic in the moment you get to experience.

If I were to win the lottery tomorrow all I would do is travel the world  and go to the theatre.

xoxo

London Bound // Project 365 // Day 64

I boarded a train todays that’s brought me London bound.

I love London, I’ve been down so much that it’s familiar but strange all at the same time like a family member you only see at the holidays.

I had sworn in 2017 after two trips down that I was done for a while. I wanted to explore somewhere new and a trip to London can quickly become a costly affair.

I swore this knowing I’d be back in March 2018. I had bought tickets to Hamilton and my inner theatre nerd couldn’t not.

Which explains the two trips I now have planned in this favourite town of mine. This one fuelled by Waitress and a sneaky trip to Everybody’s  talking about Jamie and one in November for Les Mis in concert and Dear Evan Hansen.

Oh my wee theatre heart can pretend it won’t be back, but something else will reel me in.

It doesn’t take Much.

xoxo

Mostly Harmless // Project 365 // Day 63

Mostly harmless is how I feel most days. 

Trying to do my best and not always succeeding.

Like a boat bobbling on the water. Just floating on by. 

Water surrounding you could sink you in a minute 

But it also keeps you a float 

Mostly harmless 

xoxo

Holding on and Letting go // Project 365 // Day 62

I’m currently stuck in limbo with a few people in my life. Torn between feeling like I need to get over it and I just want to talk.

Part of my thinking recently has been well if someone else gave up then why should I try. I have no room for half-assed relationships in my life.  I am no longer willing to be the only one putting energy into something when the other person has already checked out. I’m not going to set myself on fire to keep someone else warm.

So saying goodbye and learning to deal seems like such an obvious choice.

But nostalgia plays dirty games with your mind and tricks you into believing that things were better. And hope starts to make you believe that they could be again if you hold on.

But holding on hurts.

It’s like they get in the car and there safe and warm inside and all you want to be is a passenger, leave the door unlocked, and invite you in and instead your left  clinging onto the outside. And eventually it hurts to much to hold on.

So you have to let go.

There’s hurt in the healing.

But letting go is ultimately freeing.

You’ve got to make the decision to leave when the time comes.

xoxo

Things Go Wrong // Project 365 // Day 61

“From the moment things go wrong for you (and trust me, they will), there will be someone to tell you that things eventually get better. You will always have that one mantra of hope that repeats in your head over and over again, but sometimes, things don’t get better and you’re left with a hope that now just feels like a lie. I don’t want to lie to you. Sometimes, things suck. Sometimes, they get worse. Sometimes, but only sometimes, they get better. Other times, they just change."

xoxo

Clarity // Project 365 // Day 60

Clarity happens after the chaos. When the calm finally settles in and you see clearly for a change. You discover the important things.

The relationships to nurture, the projects worth your time, the chances you should take.

When the waters are murky and turbulent it’s hard to despiser what is what. You can drown in the mess of it or weather the storm and hope that clarity will find you soon.

Or you will find it.

Then you’ll find yourself.

xoxo